Why is it that some moms just can’t stop judging other moms?? Do they really think that they’ve got all of “motherhood” figured out??
We all got into this the same way. Unless you live with your mother and grandmother and you don’t have issues with them, you are figuring all of this unchartered territory by yourself.
In years past and in some cultures, raising children was a family affair and it took a village. When I was a kid, younger than five, I lived with my whole family: my grandparents, my parents, my Dad’s five siblings, plus one who lived next door with her family and was over at our house all the time. They helped to raise me and watch me and keep me feeling loved and secure.
When I had my children, my parents and in-laws were nearby but not in my house. And it’s a different culture and different country and different generation. They were cautious not to interfere with my sense of motherhood. They respected what I felt was best for my family.
Why are other mothers so quick to judge and offer unsolicited advice to other mothers?
Some mothers say things like:
“Oh, he doesn’t know how to tie his shoes, yet??”
“Oh, he doesn’t know how to ride his bike? Isn’t he almost five?”
“You really should make them eat everything you make. You’re not doing them any favors.”
I know that some of this IS good advice, but it is offered in such a condescending spirit as to turn me off of it completely.
Aren’t we all just trying to do our best? Obviously, we all want the best for our children. We try to keep them well-fed, loved, secure to turn them into productive and responsible citizens.
How about a little bit more compassion? Understanding? and not sticking your nose into someone else’s business? You don’t know that kid. Maybe he has a learning disability or has behavior issues. Maybe the mother is a recently divorced. Truth is, you don’t know what that family needs or is going through.
When I see a child whose parent is parenting the child in a way that is different from my parenting style, I do not form quick judgments. Unless the child being physically abused, I assume that the parent knows what is best for the child. Perhaps he only responds to threats or strict discipline. Unless I fear that the child is truly being abused, I keep my nose out of it.
To the mom who has a tantrum-throwing child: We all have had that child. You are not alone and it’s not your fault. Do not blame yourself or think you have to make excuses. We have all been there and we get it.